My journey into softness

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Let’s celebrate that I’m here today.

Because I almost didn’t write this.

Deadlines, dates, and plans are usually pretty important to me, even the random ones I create for myself. The moment I realized I wouldn’t be able to show up last Saturday like I’ve been doing for the past year, I felt like I had failed myself.

Journal Entry (Friday Morning, 14th of march)

“I feel so overwhelmed. This week has been a rollercoaster for me. It feels like there’s a fog on my brain - I can’t see things clearly and it all seems a threat somehow. I notice myself falling back into past patterns of overthinking and fantasizing worst case scenarios. My first reaction is to fight my response and feelings, making a mental list of all the things I current feel that I shouldn’t be feeling. Really Nathalia? Haven’t you already learned that it doesn’t work this way?”

On Saturday, I took all the energy I had left to be kind to myself: nourish my body, rest, do nothing - just take everything pretty slow.

Then Sunday came, and like a breath of relief, I woke up feeling a little different, a little lighter.

My period finally came.

And with it, the fog in my brain slowly faded away. I could see more clearly, be kinder, and feel a little more flexible and supportive of myself.

Honestly, although I’m almost 34 years old, this is all still pretty new to me. In my short lifetime, I’ve been on multiple journeys, all heading in the same direction: a connected, fulfilled life that is authentic to who I am. One of the chapters of this journey could be named: From a strong, independent woman to a connected woman.

From leading with my mind, I’m learning to lead with my heart. And a big lesson I’ve had on this path is that we can’t be connected if we’re disconnected from our bodies. If we see our systems, biology, and flow as just a minor detail—at times, merely an inconvenience—we lose touch with ourselves.

When the pace and demands of our current society conflict with our nature, why do we try to change our nature instead of questioning the external setup?

Here’s a glimpse of part of my journey of returning to myself - and it crosses my body.

Why do we act like we’re not who we are?

If someone asked me a few years ago I’d say I don’t have a period because I have a IUD.

Nowadays, I still have a IUD and I have period - so what changed?

My awareness.

Because of the IUD, I have a light flow - so light that I don’t necessarily have to use tampons. But still there is one, and it’s still blood and red. How come I never noticed? I was so disconnected from my body that I didn’t see it.

Growing up, I was never taught about any of this stuff. Mostly what I learned was that woman’s period is an inconvenience, and you don’t have necessarily to have one (aka shove those pills down your throat).

Up to my 30s I was operating under a constant hyper(alert) independent woman vibes of can do anything, anytime, anyway. My body besides the fitness, was never a concern to me.

But, in my journey of reconnecting with myself I had to learn how to feel. And feeling happens in the body.

After a few years in the process of unlearning mental models of what I was trained to be as a woman - basically a male version in a woman’s body - I took a moment to consider and ask: What is my cycle for?

Clarity in the ebbs and flows of life

I had learned that menstrual cycles was a thing for women who wanted to have babies. If you don’t want have babies, it doesn’t matter. I was so wronged.

Being aware of our cycle is crucial for our physical, emotional, and mental well-being. A menstrual cycle is the same as hormone cycle in our bodies, and it affects how our whole body functions - including our brain. It also influences our digestion, our skin, our sleep, our mood, energy levels, emotions, libido, and stress.

Being connected to our cycle empowers us to live in sync with our natural rhythms.

Uow. Do I have a natural rhythm?

Who would thought so I was not made to follow the 24h/7 productivity rhythm of our capitalist modern tech world?

How I discovered I have a rhythm

A year ago, a friend was giving a workshop on cycle leadership and invited me to join. At first I joined to support her, I was a bit skeptical about what was there to learn about the “cycle”. It’s pretty straightforward, isn’t?

During the workshop she proposed an exercise for us to do at home which is tracking the cycle starting from day 1 (the first day of your period), and writing one word a day for the entire cycle. And repeat this for several months.

I was curious what could come out of it, and so I did - I tracked it for 4 months. Every day, I wrote the day of the cycle I was and a word in my journal. At the end of the 4th cycle I opened a spreadsheet and starting putting the days in a column, and the words of each cycle respective to each day.

It was mind blowing.

Although I had no idea which words I had written in the previous days or months, the pattern was clear:

• From days 1–5, a variation of words such as “calm,” “within,” “inspiration,” and “kindness” would show up.

• Between days 6–12, the pattern shifts to shades of “fresh,” “bright,” “connection,” and “love.”

• Days 13–17 feel electrified, with a series of uplifting words emerging like “active,” “social,” “focused,” and “confident.”

• I also learned that it doesn’t matter how confident I might be feeling on day 17—the moment day 18 kicks in, “worried,” “insecure,” “guilty,” and “restless” take over.

• From there until days 24–25, I would see variations of “tired,” “annoyed,” “anxious,” and “overwhelmed.”

But I also learned that phase 4 (days 18–25) doesn’t have to feel painful, annoying, or overwhelming. Its intensity depends on what’s happening around me—during these days, I’m more sensitive to my environment, and my body responds accordingly. And it does get intense, all I need to do during this time is to be kind to myself - and deal with whatever there is to realign in the next week.

How crazy is that? Like, good crazy, like mind-blowing the consistency of our bodies? And how it impacts directly our everyday life, our work, our relationship to ourselves and others?

How connecting to my body is teaching me being kinder to myself

I’ve been tracking this now for over a year, and the consistency in all four phases is there.

I’m still learning to be kind to myself when the pre-period week kicks in. But having this awareness gives so much context to myself and how I plan my life.

I added these phases on my digital calendar so I know what I’m planning each week according to my energy levels - but sometimes I still fall back into past patterns, like this last week when I was through the emotional turmoil and all I could think of was “Why am I feeling all this and not getting things done like I wanted to get it done?”

Note: winter, spring, summer, and autumn were how they taught us to name the phases of our cycle - I personally prefer over “menstrual, follicular, ovulation and luteal” names.

One of my biggest discovery in the last years: Women and men are not the same

This has been a constant learning curve for me, and it positively has softened me and empowered me in so many ways. I also notice conversations of this sort growing among circles of friends who, when reaching a certain age and dealing with all the consequences of being overburdened from all sides, started to question "is this really supposed to work like this?"

Given the political scenario and polarization we live in today, I hesitate in writing about this, as there's a part of me that fears being misunderstood in a conversation that carries so many nuances and often conflicts with the reality that many of us live, where we do have to take care of everything.

So, I will put this way: I’m here speaking about my own personal journey. It might resonate with you or it might not*.** If it doesn’t speak to you - it’s ok, it doesn’t have to.*

It was 2020 when I read this for the first time:

This hit me hard. I also never known a relaxed woman. And in that moment I realized that success for me was to become one.

Growing up, I learned that success and empowerment were a result of doing everything men do, in the same way men did. After all, we’re equals - and it’s the time of my generation to prove it. Live the dreams our mothers didn’t live, revenge the betrayals our mothers experience, and work hard to prove women’s value to the world - and do it all by being strong independent women: don’t rely on anyone, do it all by ourselves, and have it all at the same time.

I wish I were taught that I could find work I love, have a career with purpose, build relationships, and discover more about the world — on my own rhythm and in community. I wish I were taught to listen to my body and honor my needs. I wish someone had told me I can have it all — but not all at the same time.

I wish I'd been told that by trusting myself, I would learn to trust others. And that it's okay to rely on others you're building a life with. That just like teams, families also have roles, and it's not my role to be all roles at the same time. It's not my role to have the same role as my partner to be worthy of love. I wish I'd been told life is not a competition, and I don't have to prove myself. I wish I'd been told it was okay to rest when I needed rest. And that success is having a life that is fulfilling to you — despite what the world tells you success is.

What does this has to do with our menstrual cycle?

Because our way of being it’s different than men’s way of being. Which is a beautiful thing and we should honor it instead of suppress it.

Men have 24h hormone cycle while women have an average of 24-28 days cycle. This means that every day men are renewing their system, and they barely feel any changes from their hormones in their capacity to be productive and maintain the same daily routine. Men are more linear in their capacity of doing in the world.

As a woman, I learned to operate in a constant state of doing, but this isn't our most natural way of being. There's profound power in embracing softness, rest, and creativity. When we tune into our natural cycles and honor our true nature—respecting our biology and essence—we open ourselves to a more authentic path to success in life.

Over the last years, I have noticed examples of women who choose to build businesses with schedules and systems that honor their rhythm, who slow down their careers for a few years because they prioritize building and cultivating a family. And their goal is not to be a "boss babe" but to be fulfilled in what matters to them.

This strikes me because I grew up with the mentality that I had to be the "boss babe," do it all, be it all — to be worthy. But the more I explore in my journey of reconnecting with myself, being a relaxed woman seems to be a pretty epic achievement in the kind of world we live in today.

I'd love to hear your thoughts and experiences with on this.

If you’re a woman, how has been for you the journey of connecting to your own body? Do you see an impact in your life according to how you relate to it?

If you’re a man and you made it until here, what’s on your view on this? Did you ever realized these differences?

I’ll be honoured to hear your story 💜

With Love,

Nat

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